Bio-Attack

INTO YOUR FESTERING HEART






Bio-Attack is yet another- and a quite literal system shock from an era that had little if any considerations if the audience will be able to reach the - probably non-existent - end of the game. As Satan of Saturn does, Taito's 1983 effort delivers endless fun - hah! - and related, good old quality frustration of myriad subtle alterations, inviting you to establish the highest score possible in a game environment that offers tints of an inventive variety.

Yet, this is no joyride my friend, as this here proud retroshock remains wise enough to know that no lifeform with physical characteristics is likely to survive the mayhem unleashed herein. Think you can handle this Bio-Attack? I think you can. Have a go and let me invent a sinister smile behind your shoulder secretly, silently. You see - you should be able to deliver 100.000 in Bio-Attack with me and my loathsome mate standing behind your back, as these are the exact traits that define the Champion. If you plan to BE one: you MUST BE able to handle the pressure. Can't see what I am getting at? I'm getting at the delicate braincells, as does this here baby via amazing determination and ruthless efficiency. Enter the -

Bio-Attack!

Enjoy and Read on!




The game unfolds in a human nervous system and you must eradicate the viruses present in this environment. You control - take your pick - an average spaceship or an average tiny nanobot. OK, let's get liberal here: you control a tiny nanobot spaceship. Bio-Attack brings numerous focal traits to the table, all of which make it one of the more memorable deliveries, and, without a doubt: one of the hardest games ever to entertain consensus.



First and foremost, the projectile of your nanobot spaceship covers the tremendous width of one pixel while traveling away from your shuttle, thus you need quality precision aiming - redundancy? - to bring proper punishment - oxymoron? - upon the viruses. The game uses rather smart behavior patterns to control the meanies, though the other chunk of the challenge is the natural- and necessary result of the sheer number they will harass the system by. Most of the entities are able to shoot projectiles at you, alas!, a good thing that you can Robin Hood those shots to be the definite nanobot in your imagination - AND to cause all the ladies in the vicinity to fall at your feet in honest awe and endless appreciation. One of the effects is not guaranteed, though.

Bio-Attack invites you on a journey taking place between vital organs of the human nervous system, connected by the casual veins you will travel through to administer conservative cleansing all over the place. Though a little map is rendered at the right corner of the screen, it seems to me that no logical progress is happening on it while you are completing levels. You will reach the various spots at numerous times, so it seems safe enough to assume that the developers did not expect the players to be able to reach the center of the mind - so why bother modeling it, right? And what does the center of the mind have to do with the condition of the nervous system? Hah! A lot, even a LUT!

Once you have traveled through the consecutive vein, the game will present a sub-mission to you. These sequences are quite hardcore and do deliver elements forged of clever inventiveness, requiring an extremely sharp level of skills. Sk1ll2, even. One of these sub-missions have an affection for All Things Packman and it invites you to clear a maze area of the viruses before the oxygen runs out. This is not yet enough: you need to have a sufficient amount of oxygen (time) to be able to withdraw from the area, as well. Sometimes the walls of the maze will fade away, hindering your progress considerably in case you have failed to make a mental image of the walls. Make a mental image of a Lamborghini and it will manifest, too! That's no secret.



The other two sub-missions are the sequences in which Bio-Attack punishes you rather strictly and elegantly. These sequences are similar to love affairs, as they are taking place in the heart. That was an attempt at offering a joke and I don't mind resonating this as otherwise you may have missed the attempt altogether.

In the first massive minigame, you need to eliminate a mastermind virus, naturally represented by a tiny ball. What makes it a mastermind virus? Easy: first, it is coated by an immense amount of spatial defense which you must eliminate to reach the mastermind virus. Needles to say that the damned thing itself demands a couple of shots to finally withdraw. Secondly, it has very effective bodyguards that are equally good at mocking you- and at kicking your sitorgan around.

The mockery part: you can paralyze the bodyguard creatures for a short period of time with a well placed shot. Or, even with a not-too-well placed shot. The point is to hit them, you feel me? And here is the catch: in case you hit a paralyzed bodyguard creature - then the thing will revive and will continue to harass you. These entities will do their best - which is relatively much, trust me - to organize themselves into effective formations in front of the defense system of the mastermind virus, making your life a pitiful remembrance-attempt sewn of silent, intense suffering. I can relate, baby. And surely, we can talk about it.

So, here is what you will initially do: you will shoot around like crazy, hoping to deconstruct the defense system of the mastermind virus. But you will inevitably hit the bodyguards while doing this and your consecutive shots will revive them if you fail to embed sane TACTICS into your assaults. Strategical movement, precise aiming, shots with meaning behind them - hmmm - and the readiness to improvise all become essential elements in order to survive these sessions.



The other sub-mission is similar in its nature, only this time you are to take out green sinister mastermind anuses. The first mastermind anus comes solo, - self-confidence par excellence - but the consecutive ones will come in pairs. These blasphemous abominations of inconceivable proportions will throw hideous shots of green BEEP! at you and their bodyguards are rather swift and aggressive, coming to you in combined patterns that will give quality HOOOLLLYSHIT! time to all who show honest interest. See the tiny growths at the sides of the organ? Those are actual gameplay elements you can stumble into, more specifically: they are deliberately placed there so there are things in the game environment that you COULD stumble into. These will prevent you from moving horizontally in case the tail of your nanobot shapeship < - admire the typo please - is stuck between them. You can escape from the grip of course, but it is a very effective method to force you to be in touch - BGAH! - with your environment during the session.

Bio-Attack shines considerably with its immensely demanding sub-missions, while it delivers an acceptable form of orthodox-style scroll-action with not too much variety to it whenever you find yourself roaming in the veins. The sub-missions do remain memorable challenges, resonating retro hardcore beauty on decibels no casual fan dares to face without a casual nuclear shelter shielding her/him from it.

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Satan of Saturn

EVIL 0.75b






1981. Celluloid molester-, accomplished mindscorcher, Stanley Donen JUST gave you Saturn 3, the science-fiction statement in which Kirk Douglas reveals body parts NO MAN WITNESSES and goes away with his SANITY INTACT!

The facial expressions will invite you to develop fresh-, and way more proper definitions of Epic Endurance, as well. Follow the link < - deliberate repetition as an element of rampantly aggressive marketing strategy - to confirm, and to start finding the first 5 reasons of the infinite number of reasons of which all do tell you that checking out Saturn 3 is no longer an aspect of the known Universe you can safely ignore.

I suspect that the Japanese evildo... developers responsible for the Highly Illegal Space-Time Rift represented proudly by this here gem, have seen, surely MUST HAVE seen Saturn 3. The game speaks the language of Space Invaders, yet exhibits quite a few clever traits by which we must regard the title as one of evident aspirations and - as hinted delicately - immense evilness.

Is Evil the capacity to Harm without Remorse? HAH! The Satan of Saturn LAUGHS at your indecisive fumbling, puny human, being ready to confront you with the True Definition of Evil.

Muhaha ZISSSS, baby!

addendum:
it has come to the attention of the Galactic Sanity Keeper Committee that the embedded Satan of Saturn video, as of the moment of this report, is no longer available. The Committee utilizes all its channels and its stupendous influence - including telepathic willbending and EMP bursts - to solve the matter. In case you see the video, then the Committee apologizes for taking fruity seconds away from the amazing accomplishment you relentlessly work on and call an earthy lifetime. You see: a Committee is a Master at worshiping Minutes, and a Grand Master at wasting Hours.

Enjoy and Read on!




The game gives you - illegally, I'm sure - musical sequences from Star Wars, combine the very planet name Saturn to it, and you have the era's quite effective- and quite relentless space punishment at your fingertips. Satan of Saturn demonstrates sublime deviations from the trends established/outlined earlier by its aforementioned primal inspirator, finding inventive channels to present a solid, fresh take on the genre. The ability and necessity to deconstruct hostile UFOs won't likely register as an idea you and your dog never heard of before, yet the monsters will exhibit multiple agendas and consorting, radically different movement patterns, all of which will accelerate based on the performance you dare to resonate towards the Satan of Saturn.



As far as the multiple agendas of the hostiles are concerned, these are as follows:

1. Destruct Player Butt.

2. Destruct Space Structure that Emits Player Butt.

The latter being the mothership that releases your shuttle each time you start a new level, or in case you have lost a life, but still have at least one left. The hostiles will exhibit immense, even EMENCE interest in killing off your only ally Death Star style, you know, little stuff into the little hole. Most of the enemy patterns - not all though, which is an interesting addition on its own - will incorporate the intention to reach the opening you see on the mothership below you. If you let even one attacker through, then the mothership is toast, and you are toast with it, baby, as there will be no mothership to give you another life. Sad, yes?

Let us conclude via eager nodding of our heads that this is a very elegant method to enforce the player to take risks and master the hostile patterns, as, safety gameplay will result in the UFOs coming through. You know they are here already. You know they are watching. You know they need you. You know that they are communicating with you through the television set. You have seen that all before. The message is so clear, so obvious, so evident! You know it will find you again. It MEANT to.

Well, where were we? Oh, yes! We covered the first portion of Satan of Saturn, that being the
segments in which the Planet Saturn spills UFOs at you to question your integrity and/or to eradicate your only ally in this game, the mothership. These initial attempts usually consist of six- or seven rushes you need to survive, - preferably by killing all the baddies, yes - then comes the second sequence that consists of an entirely different kind of rush: bombing. Two fleets will go for your sitorgan, one from the left, one from the right. Not all of them will drop bombs, but finding out (experiencing) which one will and which one won't, is the natural, effective field of operation of these great segments. A bad reaction to an incoming bomber is a good demise watched by the bomber hostiles. If you are the Bad Enough Dude to overcome the bombers - which, as it seems to me, are easier sequences than the first periods - then the game, instead of telling you to

GO *+,:@#!! YOURSELF!,

tells you ,to:



the GO TO THE SATURN screenshot

Letting you know that this is something the game considers a personal matter between it and you from now on. Saturn, according to the representation delivered by this here retroid delicacy, is a pretty hostile place. These sequences will reveal your pilot, I assume?? Not sure, really. You control some weird looking stuff, that seems pretty defendable, though. The game will put you against some crazy spacebugs, moving rather fast and unpredictable. They molest consensus from top to bottom with a perplexed enough intention of eating you up alive! Shooting is their thing, too. So, it's quite challenging, but, at the same time, rather refreshing to - "lure" the living BEEP! out of them, naturally. The spacebugs have the ability to teleport back to the top of the screen once they reach the bottom. In case you emerge triumphant against the spacebugs, then representatives of the Ultimate Defenders of Saturn will put you against a new kind of despair! If you ever saw a mosquito on radical recreational drugs, then you will face this challenge well prepared! If not - then you WILL! Meaning: you will see them.



Once the mosquitoes are out of the picture - literally, you feel me!? - the game tells us that it is time for the new pattern. These new patterns are the effective levels of the piece, and, according to my subjective, nevertheless scientific observations, they mostly mean a gradual increase in speed, affecting both the movement of the hostiles and their projectiles. This is how the game goes: three sequences to take part in with a gradual increase in speed. Where does the hinted Evil come in then? HERE:



See my amazing score of 99480 even the Satan of Saturn is completely baffled by?? Don't worry, I am not a Cosmic Immortal, or at least I fail utterly at noticing it so far: this score is the result of saving the game constantly, and reloading it when my ass got fried. I did this to see what the game has to offer at its end, and, here is True Evil: the game has NO end. The developers - I think, quite correctly - thought that no human being will be able to reach 100.000 points in their game, so, guess what: once you reach 100.000, the counter resets and you are free to wage your war on against the Satan of Saturn. And NO, I don't think the game could go any faster than it already is by the time you reached 100.000.

Does this take away something from the piece? Evidently, and here is why: I think you can get away with infinite gameplay if you are free to score - but, resetting the counter to zero after a certain point takes all aspirations away from continuing on. Heck, a

YOU REACHED 100.000, NOW GO GET A LIFE, NERD!

would have been awesome, I think. Without this, the Timeless Laughter of the Satan of Saturn still rings in my ear once I see an arcade cabinet from behind, but, the Laughter stays absent when I watch political debates.

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Battle Garegga

RESTLESS LIMITER






1996 greets consensus with Battle Garegga, a Shoot'em Up statement by the 8ing and Raizing corporations. This title of considerable fame and well harvested notoriety introduces and sports quite a few unique traits, hardly seen anywhere else in the genre so far.

I think sober - yet mildly redundant - debate could be formed whether to regard Battle Garegga as a classic Shoot'em Up delivery OR a Manic Shooter similar to the great Gap Finder DoDonPachi, and here is why: Battle Garegga can be played in a way to make it as Manic as you have ever seen - yet you will want to handle this baby with great care and respect instead, because, believe you me, Battle Garegga will destruct human butt mercilessly once the organ in question starts to think that the Sun shines out of it.

Enjoy and Read on!




The game offers and dictates a pleasant initial pace, one which by it's easy to get carried away and render rampant destruction. As you will soon see: rampant destruction is something you will likely want to avoid in this game, though. As for the basic elements and circumstances Battle Garegga brings to the table, there are four selectable ships coming to you in multiple variants, each sporting a different kind of Secondary Punishment capability.

Collectibles can give you both multiple levels of Options - mobile devices to offer supportive fire - and heavily concealed access for weapons of manic mayhem and inherent, good old scenery destruction of acceptably sentimental qualities. All Stages do come to their respective Conclusions via well presented Boss fights, yet these face-offs are supersensitive to the performance of the player who just arrived to take part in them. Indeed, Battle Garegga is Highly Responsive to Players, as we will see.



The game offers a whole lot to destruct both in scenery and in hostile incoming vehicles, yet, once you give in to your secretive (?) weapon psycho, our notorious subject matter Battle Garegga will persistently inquire if you happen to have yet another trick up your sleeve. The output is not too shy at all, not when concerning the edge of its questions, not when we witness the arsenal it offers. Atop the evident ability of upgrading your initial equipment to messengers of senseless anger and/or incomprehensible armor penetration, your Secondary weapons will be collected as invokable Maximum Bursts of the corresponding weapon type. Was that a "huh?" for you? Nothing too difficult, really: once you collect a certain number of Bomb icons, those little images will turn into a Big-A*s bomb which will give you the aforementioned Maximum Burst upon release. In case you decide to stack your Secondary Verdict for a while, you can go for yet another of the Big Bombs/Maximum Bursts, simply by collecting Bomb icons further on. As for the Optional devices: there can be a maximum of four of those around you, but you can organize them into different, nifty formations via the third button. Battle Garegga has some secret formations - invokable and collectible when certain conditions are fulfilled, see Below - in store for us, as well.

Question quickly becomes evident: why not deconstruct all that can be deconstructed? The answer comes to us via Battle Garegga's invisible, yet ever-present Rank system. As a secretive, silent, yet painfully aware mathematical entity, this algorhythm is your worst, even worstest rival in the game. The Rank system keeps track of pretty much all aspects the output invites you to explore or to rely on. How much you shoot? How powerful your shots are? How often you release your Secondary weapons? Or, do you prefer to STACK them? How many Options you keep around your ship?



All these questions, and many more are being eagerly monitorized by Battle Garegga, in fact, the Rank gets higher with each shots you release, even better/worse: with each frame (!) you survive. If your perform masterfully, a point will come, from which on Garegga will hate your guts quite passionately and will punish it by exhibiting near-impossible challenges. The solution is to keep the Rank system from increasing beyond manageable challenges, yet the most effective method for this is to die. Whether on purpose, or by - bleheh - accident. The less life you have in stock, once your butt is fried: the greater the decrease in the Rank will be. As such, Extra lives are evident musts to go for, yet you should be aware that different regional variants of the game deliver Extra lives at different Score requirements.

Minor, nevertheless important methods are existent to keep the Rank system at relative, yet much needed peace. As a general rule, you don't necessarily want to destruct all, you don't want to shoot the naked air, you don't want to collect all Power Ups, especially not if they no longer mean instant benefit to you beyond Points. Though Autofire is available, it is something Battle Garegga is especially fond of being enraged at. You can program the Autofire, by the way: buffer in some crazy-ass shots, and your Autofire will remember the rate you stated. Keep in mind though that the game hates this classic function, and will start punish you thoroughly if you decide to rely on it constantly, trust me.



Medals and Options do play a significant role in the game, too. What was stated concerning destruction, enjoys its merits concerning collectibles. You don't want to rush on all stuff that is present on the screen at any given time - especially not incoming shots. Sorry, not all jokes do need to work, otherwise, how could we appreciate one which is capable to? Be aware that letting certain collectibles to get away will grant access either to items of more significant scores, or to more versatile tools of magnificent mayhem.

Since this particular subsystem AND the Rank method at the core are rather complex and sophisticated elements, I would urge you to consult the massively thorough, pretty much scientifically detailed Guide I gratefully deliver at the bottom. The Rank method also makes a rather unique experience out of this charming delicacy, offering a gameplay that invites you to implement strategy beside the natural readiness of Gap Seeking and to render a trusty, steady period of Proper Eradication. Question no longer is if you can utilize all tools to dominate the game - question is if you can utilize proper tools to stay alive in the game.

Battle Garegga invites, and, later on, even demands a different approach than most shmups do popularize, yet it delivers its unique experience by speaking the consensus dialect you, as Player, will be thoroughly grateful for and familiar with. Oh, the One and Only Sentence you absolutely MUST write down when you offer an opinion about Battle Garegga: it is hard to differentiate hostile projectiles from resultant junks and debris! Wow. What an acurate observation. Indeed it is. Yes. No doubt. A part of the game, you know. All in all, Battle Garegga weights in as evident, brave classic, inviting you timelessly to show it your awesometacular one credit run.



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